Cool story you've got going on here. And a good exercise, the beginning only and end only! For sure makes me wonder what happened in the middle!!!
I take it Serena didn't make it. There was some sort of war and only the narrator and this Tor guy the narrator doesn't like survived!
I want to know more about the narrator and Serena's relationship. I hope that comes up in the middle. I'm always rooting for some type of love story, I just can't help myself. :)
Your descriptions of this factory are super vivid! One new trick that might make them even stronger is try to have characters (either the narrator or others) physically interact with the setting. So you're not just describing the sight of it, but there is some type of effect it is having on the narrator. Like you did here: "I lie in the smouldering fields beside once edible food supplies. Beside the moths and the slugs and the burning horses." I would say with Kris, yes, go ahead and make those foods more concrete, but for me, I like the physical interaction with it.
I love the idea of more physicality thoughout. For some reason, it's something I'd never considered, but that's an excellent tip!
I'm glad you liked what little story there was here. In my head, it was a little poat-apocalyptic settlement that got invaded. It was a story primarily about farming and a little bit about how humans could rebuild a society (only, y'know, just the start and the end).
I like these sort of exercises because they let me practice without spending too much time worrying about stuff. I might do some other smaller bits set in the same world.
Thanks for reading and thanks for the advice, both are very much appreciated!
Glad you're back! I really like this piece, particularly the first section. It's so clearly depicted. The sentences so clean and crisp. Love it.
Couple of observations on the second part:
1. I'd really like to "see" the narrator shooting him. Instead of just, "I shoot him", I want to see the pistol being pointed or pulled out of a holster or whatever.
2. I'm having trouble picturing the "once edible food supplies". Would like to see what that looks like / consists of.
Other than that, really liking this draft. Good work! And thanks for posting, mate. Been a while.
Mate, thanks so much for commenting! For me, this was more of an exercise in trying to describe a world without too much description. If that makes sense. So that the world is less about objectsband more about a kind of feeling. So I hope it worked.
I know what you mean with the second scene, I just wanted the shot to be quick. Not dramatic, not too over the top, but just showing that the narrator has had enough. Bang. The end. The whole story (if it was fleshed out) would have had bits of action, and the final section would be the narrator turning to destruction rather than creation.
And I know what you mean about the food supplies, I could do with actually describing what it is that they'd been farming.
Hopefully this is the start of actually making things again and I'll be able to keep up posting. Glad you're writing too, looking forward to reading something soon!
For this, it was an online course where the tutor would send out tasks every week and then respond with coments and suggestions. I ended up doing a few with multple tutors. Some were really useful, and some of the tasks were pretty difficult (I found them difficult anyway). For me, it was more about practice and getting feedback in an environment where it didn't matter if I failed or looked dim. I think I'm slightly less precious now, and can embrace being an idiot.
Hey Matt!
Cool story you've got going on here. And a good exercise, the beginning only and end only! For sure makes me wonder what happened in the middle!!!
I take it Serena didn't make it. There was some sort of war and only the narrator and this Tor guy the narrator doesn't like survived!
I want to know more about the narrator and Serena's relationship. I hope that comes up in the middle. I'm always rooting for some type of love story, I just can't help myself. :)
Your descriptions of this factory are super vivid! One new trick that might make them even stronger is try to have characters (either the narrator or others) physically interact with the setting. So you're not just describing the sight of it, but there is some type of effect it is having on the narrator. Like you did here: "I lie in the smouldering fields beside once edible food supplies. Beside the moths and the slugs and the burning horses." I would say with Kris, yes, go ahead and make those foods more concrete, but for me, I like the physical interaction with it.
Keep going!
Thank you so much for reading Maegan!
I love the idea of more physicality thoughout. For some reason, it's something I'd never considered, but that's an excellent tip!
I'm glad you liked what little story there was here. In my head, it was a little poat-apocalyptic settlement that got invaded. It was a story primarily about farming and a little bit about how humans could rebuild a society (only, y'know, just the start and the end).
I like these sort of exercises because they let me practice without spending too much time worrying about stuff. I might do some other smaller bits set in the same world.
Thanks for reading and thanks for the advice, both are very much appreciated!
Glad you're back! I really like this piece, particularly the first section. It's so clearly depicted. The sentences so clean and crisp. Love it.
Couple of observations on the second part:
1. I'd really like to "see" the narrator shooting him. Instead of just, "I shoot him", I want to see the pistol being pointed or pulled out of a holster or whatever.
2. I'm having trouble picturing the "once edible food supplies". Would like to see what that looks like / consists of.
Other than that, really liking this draft. Good work! And thanks for posting, mate. Been a while.
Mate, thanks so much for commenting! For me, this was more of an exercise in trying to describe a world without too much description. If that makes sense. So that the world is less about objectsband more about a kind of feeling. So I hope it worked.
I know what you mean with the second scene, I just wanted the shot to be quick. Not dramatic, not too over the top, but just showing that the narrator has had enough. Bang. The end. The whole story (if it was fleshed out) would have had bits of action, and the final section would be the narrator turning to destruction rather than creation.
And I know what you mean about the food supplies, I could do with actually describing what it is that they'd been farming.
Hopefully this is the start of actually making things again and I'll be able to keep up posting. Glad you're writing too, looking forward to reading something soon!
On another note, how does the writing workshop work?
For this, it was an online course where the tutor would send out tasks every week and then respond with coments and suggestions. I ended up doing a few with multple tutors. Some were really useful, and some of the tasks were pretty difficult (I found them difficult anyway). For me, it was more about practice and getting feedback in an environment where it didn't matter if I failed or looked dim. I think I'm slightly less precious now, and can embrace being an idiot.